Haven’t seen Marc in three whole weeks…he’s been away at some family place, gettin’ wasted and smoking weed.
Nice.

Course we’ve been texting, but I’ve been a bit sloppy with my replies on account of the fact that I’m just not much of a texter and they seem a bit hollow when they repeat the same thing OVER and OVER and over etc… know what I mean? Just the usual would be:

“Miss you so so so much, wish you were here, I really love you xxxxx”

Nice enough, and indeed it makes me feel loved, but sometimes I think that’s all that needs to be said and so I will only reply once. 
However, now he’s complaining about me not texting him…

When I text he takes like ages to reply sometimes, but I dunno if that’s because I don’t exactly reply quickly, but I DO have an excuse! I happen to be an extremely-extremely slow texter! The buttons and letters? Yeah they just like fly around infront of my face, leaving me dazed for about ten minutes whilst I’m searching for the ‘B’ or whatever…

 Actually, all of my friends are away atm, minus ONE, and every time I’m with her I just suggest drinking, because it’s a way to pass the time…and makes my mood much better.
Thing is, hiding behind drink (especially since I’m underaged) because I keep getting depressed over everything that’s happened (The Phil thing, I thought it would have gone by now! But no…sometimes I even want to plead for him to take me back. I won’t let myself do that of course.) I need to just somehow let go and be happy with what I HAVE!

But I’m not even sure what I have any more… I’m just getting so confused over everything, can’t get my head straight!

On a brighter note, I bought tickets to a Battle Of The Bands style concert called “Music Quest.” The winning band recieves a thousand squiddlies and they open for some band which I have NEVER EVER EVER heard off. So that should be fun, and it give me something to look forward too. My twin insists I’m gonna meet someone there, I doubt it since I have a feeling most people will be significantly older than us (all 15, tho we can all pass for older..usually) plus I just couldn’t cheat on Marc! No way no how! I am NOT going down that road! I’m happy with Marc anyway, it’s just that we’ve been apart too long for it to be healthy…but that’ll all be fine when we are reunited! I hope.

 HAVE I MENTIONED HOW BORED AND LONELY I AM?!
Also! My parents have totally been on my case! Just the icing on the f*ckin’ cake…*sigh*

It’s the summer holidays! Woo!

Here’s what happened during the previous weeks: Phil flirted with my twin sister infront of me to intentionally hurt me. 
Marc tried to KILL Phil once everything was out in the open.
Got seriously wasted at a friends house, which made Marc very worried about me and he kept texting to see if I was alright (I can’t remember so I’m using what a friend has retold me) then what does HE go and do? 
Gets wasted and does drugs.
I sure know how to pick em eh? Well the thing is, I don’t mind what he does as long as he’s 1) alive and 2) loyal, but when he texts me to say how stoned he is it DOES make me really worried! He told me he was going clean, he told a lot of people he was…and now he’s worse than ever. I haven’t seen him for around ten days and it has been ten L O N G days, he’s been away yasee so I can’t go see him or anything, and I really miss him so much, I never thought it would be this hard not seeing him..I mean we’ve only been going out for just over TWO MONTHS now! So surely I shouldn’t mind too much right?

Oh, something else that happened. I went to the doctors the week before leaving school, for most of this year I’ve been experiencing severe stomach pains and now I’ve finally gotten my diagnosis of what’s wrong!
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. PCOS. 
And the words which echo in my head? “You’ll find it extremely difficult to conceive children.” 

I know I’m only turning sixteen so I certainly am not thinking about having kids at the moment! Not to mention how much I HATE KIDS! But it was a real blow to me, great that I finally know what’s WRONG…but…I just never thought it would be something like this, I thought maybe a virus or something which could be cleared up! 

But nope. PCOS….wonderful. Been put on the pill for it, erm..whoop? Not…my parents have been acting like now I’m gonna go out and have raging sex with everyone, not fun.

Well, it would be fun… but you get what I mean lol. 
If I said it was hard to come to terms with, I’d be lying. What WAS hard to come to terms with is the fact that my sister has THE SAME THING! 
She LOVES kids! It’s just not FAIR! She doesn’t deserve this! It’s just one fucking blow after the other and my parents won’t TALK ABOUT IT! They act like nothings wrong, nothing’s going on.. just “She’s ill so she’s taking a tablet to make her normal.” Oh nice. Very nice! Ffs.
Best of all? It’s all around the school that ‘I’ have it! Not about my sister…and I’ll make sure that that doesn’t get around! It was my own fault it got out about me, I was looking for pity to prove to myself that people cared and I confided in the wrong so-called ‘friends. But the same mistake will NOT be made with my sister. She doesn’t deserve that sort of publicity, it wouldn’t be healthy for her…and hell it’s hard enough to get her to go to school as it IS! So I’m just hoping that the whole thing will have blown over next term. *fingers crossed*

 Everything just HAS to be complicated it seems…